Letting Go May 25, 2008

Years ago there was a movie called PeeWee’s Big Adventure.  At 23, when I decided to venture to a new city where I had no job, friends or particular reason to be, my friends who called me BV christened my road trip “BV’s Big Adventure.”  That’s a title in my scrapbook.  But it’s not just a fun title that brings a smile to my face.  There’s so much more in those 3 words, a whole story summed up in one short title.

It speaks to me of a time when I went forth in search of a dream and independence.  It was new and scarey yet exciting to make the decision to go.  I forever look back on it as a period in my life that shaped my character.  It was a “defining moment” for me.

My Dad didn’t agree.  He was angry:  why would his youngest daughter leave all her family to move to a city she new nothing about, that wasn’t exactly around the corner, with no job or obvious means of getting one (considering I had no connections there) and where she had no friends or relatives.  I recall being told I could never move back home if I left and that to forget even thinking of having his blessing to go.

So despite the sadness of leaving my Dad and my family this way, I set out in my blue Pontiac Acadian filled with my clothes, a couple friends hitching a ride to their new life, and some good tunes.  

You see, I knew that my Dad’s words were a mask for his deep sadness in having to let go.  I knew his heart was aching and he thought his “threats” might have a chance in keeping me home.

But in life we all have moments where we need to let go.  (My friend Peter talks about letting go in a different manner in his blog.)  At this time in my life, this was my Dad’s moment to let go, and my moment too.

You see, by leaving, I was letting go of security, my comfort zone, and the possibility of losing unconditional love and support from my family (more perceived than real).

When you let go, you open up to new possibilities.  When I let go, I opened up to:  adventure, courage, confidence, and faith… in life, God and myself.

So as I drove out of the city limits and took a last look in my rear-view mirror at the home of my birth, I allowed myself to let go of the past and move towards a future of exciting new possibilities, people and adventures.

Are you at a time in your life where you need to let go of something?  Great new things await you… when you let go, they will come to you.  

QUOTE FOR YOUR SCRAPBOOK:  “One good wish changes nothing. One good decision changes everything.”

FOR YOUR SCRAPBOOK:  Reflect upon a time in your life that was a defining moment.   When were you faced with a tough decision, but once you made it you knew it was the right one to make?   Journal your thoughts about that time, how grateful you are to have had that experience, how grateful you are to have the freedom to choose.  And because we all think in pictures, I encourage you to see if you can find a photo of that time in your life.  Put it in your scrapbook, or frame it where you’ll see it each day.  It’s like a visual affirmation for you.

OPEN YOUR HEART:  Let go of whatever is holding you back right now from living fully and authentically.  Whatever is not working in your life right now, you have a choice.  It might not be an easy one.  But I guarantee you the sun will rise tomorrow.

When is One Half a Whole? May 22, 2008

Brothers and sisters… I have 8 of them.  To be true, most people express surprise at such a number.  I guess it’s rare in this age of 2.5 kids (or has that number decreased?) to meet a family with 9.  When I continue to explain that we have a span of 21 years from youngest to oldest, most wince when they think about my mother.  After enjoying watching them try to comprehend that possibility for a few seconds, I’ll elaborate and explain the “hers, mine and ours scenario.”  We are from 3 marriages:  4 from my Dad’s first marriage, 3 from my Mom’s first marriage and then myself and my younger brother (now passed on) from Dad and Mom’s union.

Except in those situations, I never use “half-brother” or “half-sister” when talking about family because those labels to me might imply “less than” or “not as complete.”  And that’s simply not the case.  Unless we’re talking medical history, it’s just not relevant.  So, I have 5 brothers and 3 sisters (whom you met in my previous blog; you’ll meet the bro’s soon).   We all get along pretty well.  That maybe wasn’t always the case when we were kids, but underlying our wrestling or tearful childhood exchanges was the knowledge that we were loved, we were a family and we stuck together.

It’s interesting and insightful to develop friendships and deeper relationships with siblings as adults.  Travel with them in your mature years and I guarantee you’ll learn things about them you never knew.  They become people with hopes, dreams and problems just like you when you really get to know them.

And, if you’ve ever had the unfortunate experience of packing up one’s life after they’ve passed on, you may learn things that could warm your heart… once you get over the feeling that you’re invading the privacy of someone who is no longer present.  Heck, as kids, you didn’t think twice about getting into their “stuff” but in this situation it’s completely unsettling.

My eldest sister loaned me a book once called Birth Order and You and I remember it said that each child born into a family is born into a different family.  Circumstances, economics and the environment change with each baby.

I wouldn’t change growing up in a large family for anything.    I don’t love them half, I love them whole… and the fact they’re in my life makes my life complete in many ways. 

OPEN YOUR HEART:  Today, tell your brother or sister you love them.  If you don’t have one, tell someone who is like a brother or sister to you.  Blood may be thicker than water but water is just as precious to our body, in my books.  If you’re not sure that you love your brother or sister, it might be time for some introspection and forgiveness (for yourself primarily – and that’s a lesson for another time).   

 

Lessons from 3 Sisters May 19, 2008

In my Gratitude Scrapbook Album, these are pages of life lessons learned from my 3 elder sisters  (Scrapbookers, see tips and notes at the end of this blog).

 The 2 eldest were teenagers in the ’60s and on their own around the time I was born.   Regardless of the age difference, it was often said how much Jo and I were alike in character traits.   Good humour is important in our family, although I admit acquaintances may not see this side of me until we become closer in friendship.

I appreciated learning stories of JoAnn’s independence and adventures and can identify parallels in our adult lives.  My 2nd sister Chris gave me a profound piece of advice.  When I was debating a trip to Australia to follow my heart, she wrote, “You never regret the things you do, only the things you don’t do.”   Ponder that one when you’re faced with a decision.     

My 3rd sister Donna is 6 years my senior, so we had the usual sisterly quarrels.  We shared a bedroom and I was the kid sister always getting into her “stuff.”   She slammed my head with a pillow one night to stop me from grinding my teeth (there are better cures these days, but her method worked).   Donna had to shoulder a lot of responsibilities for looking after me and 2 brothers.  However, it is in our adult lives that I’ve grown to really know and love her.  My favourite moments are during our recent 3-week tour of Italy with Mom.  (My spiritual teacher James Arthur Ray  quotes Ram Dass: “If you think you’re enlightened, go live with your parents.”  I’d like to revise that to say, “… travel with them as adults!)

“When mom and dad don’t understand, a sister always will.” – Author Unknown

Too sweet? How about: 

 ”If sisters were free to express how they really feel, parents would hear this:  Give me all the attention and all the toys and send (Brenda) to live with Grandma.” ~ Linda Sunshine

For Scrapbookers or wanna-be Scrapbookers:

CHALLENGE:  Adding to the challenge posted in my 2nd Post, take your time, this isn’t a rush project.  I encourage you to focus on a positive lesson from a family member that you consciously implemented in your life.    Highlight this on a page with a candid photo that really captures who they are.   Write their descriptive character traits as a border around the page.

OPEN YOUR HEART:  After writing a sincere letter of love and thanks to them, send them a copy of your page or offer it to them as a special birthday or holiday gift.  I was pleased to learn that some of my family framed their pages.   Telling them today will mean you can leave this life without regrets of not telling them what you carry in your heart.

The Truth, the Whole Truth, Nothing But the Truth… so help me, God? May 16, 2008

I’ve loved to draw and create ever since I was a small child and even entertained the idea of being a professional artist after highschool (watch for future post “regrettable career move”). So visual arts was my first love. Followed by music which inspires and surrounds me every day (although I am not musically gifted, unless it’s karaoke and wine… then just try to take that microphone out of my hand). Last but not least, I appreciate being entertained by talented actors, comedians and dancers. Clowns and mimes, not so much, sorry.

I attended Swan Lake when I was in grade school; I believe that was the first professional “grown-up” performance I had attended (other than Disney on Ice which I don’t count as an adult show). The first major theatrical performance I attended as an adult was The Phantom of the Opera in Toronto, about a year after I had moved to the city. There was Drama with a capital D around that performance, and I’m not referring to inside the theatre!

My then-boyfriend (I’ll call him Mr. Nice Guy) and I thought it would be a great idea to see the show on Valentines Day 1990 so we booked tickets months in advance. The show was in it’s first year in Toronto (it had a 10-year run here). Speaking of first year, Mr. Nice Guy and I had been dating in Vancouver about 7 months when I was hired as a flight attendant, completed my 7 weeks of training and then learned the (sad) news that I would be based in Toronto. I was so disappointed as I loved Vancouver. I loved Mr. Nice Guy too, I suppose, in the way that 25-year-olds who’ve been dating less than a year love each other. But Vancouver was my real love. I had moved there just 18 months earlier from landlocked Edmonton, settled in nicely and was enjoying my newfound independence and social connections. Now here I was being uprooted against my pleasure and being sent away from the majestic mountains and Pacific Ocean to the Gardiner Expressway overlooking Lake Ontario with the CN Tower piercing the skyline. Oh joy.

Before we jump ahead to the Opera, let’s examine the details of my life in Toronto at that time, shall we? I was 25-years old, in a new and exciting career that jetted me across Canada and around the world to exciting destinations. I was young, attractive and single (not married but in a long distance relationship). My four roommates were also young, attractive and single flight attendants. Mr. Nice Guy, my boyfriend of less than a year, lived on the West Coast — a 5-hour flight and 3 time zones away. We managed to see each other about one weekend a month. So the relationship was surviving (not thriving mind you, but it was being given attention). Things were very exciting at this time of my life.  My mid-20s was spent flying on jets as much as most people take the subway.  I had always dreamed of being a flight attendant so I could travel the world in style, and my dream was now a reality. (In hindsight, Law of Attraction was working although I was unaware of the universal laws then.)  Are you beginning to see where this story is heading?

Now it’s Autumn 1989 and our theatre tickets are waiting for February 1990 to arrive. Anyone who has lived through their ’20s will tell you that a few months can be a long time to wait and a lot can happen in that time (this is called foreshadowing for those who skipped English class).

I’ve neglected to mention that a previous boyfriend with whom I had a brief but passionate affair after we met in 1987 on a BC Ferry enroute to Nanaimo was living in Toronto. I will clarify it wasn’t a cheating kind of affair, I was single at the time and it wasn’t brief like you may be thinking… we had a relationship for many months. I don’t know which Voice in My Head decided this would be a good idea (rarely as women, can we understand or admit to these sorts of things until we are in our ’40s writing in a blog for the world to read), but in October 1989 it was coming up to his birthday, so I decided to call to wish him a Happy Birthday. Probably wasn’t a wise idea. He is a Scorpio… no need to expand on that for those of you who follow astrology.

Around December, I found myself writing a Dear Mr. Nice Guy letter (followed by a visit to him), suggesting our long distance romance was not being fully realized and it was time to take a break.  He agreed (okay, I might have left out a few important details with him… this is known in our culture as “little white lie” or “partial truth”). As noted in my manifesto, you can’t outrun the Truth. It seems like you get a pretty good head start and when you think you’ve gotten away with it, Truth finds you! Sooner or later, it always does. Things seemed fine and Mr.Nice Guy and I parted amicably (vowing to keep in touch as friends, of course). By February, the Phantom of the Opera tickets were demanding their rightful owner. Since I was resident in the city, I made some assumptions about now owning those tickets. (Remember the TV show The Odd Couple? Felix said, “when you assume, you make an ASS of U and ME. I’ve always remembered that.)  As friends, Mr. Nice Guy thought he would fly in and we would attend together as originally planned. Oops… a hard lesson for me in not being 100% truthful months earlier. The show was on or near Valentines’ Day… how would I explain attending the show with an ex-boyfriend-now-friend when Mr. Scorpio expected to attend this romantic evening at the theatre with me? Truth had emerged and I had some ’splaining to do with both gentlemen.

I am not very proud of how I conducted myself in those relationships at that time in my life, not properly ending one before starting, or resuming, the other and mostly for telling a half-truth, which we know does not exist — there can be only Truth or… lies (ugh, such a harsh word).  I have a letter from Mr. Nice Guy written after our last conversation; every 10 years I’ll come across it and it gives me a hard reminder of how delicate the heart is and that all hearts need to be treated with care.  So in my 26th year, I lost a friend.

How was the Opera, you may be wondering? With all the drama and heartache going on outside the theatre, I attended the evening as planned to watch the drama and heartache unfold inside the beautiful Pantages Theatre. At the end of the performance, I turned to my girlfriend in the seat beside me and said, “what a beautiful but tragic love story.”

CHALLENGE TO YOU: Think of a time in your life where you weren’t 100% truthful with someone and it caused heartache.

OPEN YOUR HEART: Write a letter to that person from your point of view with what you know now and apologize from the bottom of your heart.  Accept all responsiblity.   You don’t have to send it, but write it… feel it… and then tear it up. The Universe will know you’ve made amends.

QUOTE FOR YOUR SCRAPBOOK:  “When a woman tells the truth she is creating the possibility for more truth around her.” ~ Adrienne Rich

My Manifesto and Musings May 13, 2008

Use the good china.   Every day this side of the grass is a special occasion, so celebrate!

Tell people how they’ve made a difference in your life.  One never knows when life will come to a close; take advantage now of all your opportunities.  

Take time each day to be thankful.

Make a difference:  Be inspired and inspiring to others.

Learn about yourself… grow and evolve.  Remove yourself from the comfort zone.

Be inclusive, not exclusive.

Listen to uplifting music and watch movies with positive stories (Pay it Forward, Peaceful Warrior, The Ultimate Gift are a few).  Feed your mind as carefully as you would feed your physical body.   Well, maybe allow some popcorn for those movies.

Make a list of things you want to do and make plans to do them in this lifetime… because if you reincarnate as a cow, that won’t be very condusive to sitting in a Venice concert hall enjoying Vivaldi (whew, glad I checked that one off my list in 2005)!    I actually had this list long before The Bucket List was released to movie theatres, but that’s another good flick.

Have a sense of humour and don’t take yourself too seriously.  Be goofy some of the time.

Choose wisely the times to be goofy; and if not, the good news is you will perfect the motion of “open mouth, insert foot.”

Know your limitations and embrace them… they are a part of YOU!

Love fully.  Holding back results in your receiving only as much as you give.  You want it all, don’t you?

Remove “can’t afford” from your vocabulary.  It speaks of lack and poverty, which begets more of the same.  Be financially responsible and choose where and when to invest your money and time.

Protect your time.  Others will spend it easily if you allow them.

Choose wisely who you spend your time with… I recommend energy uplifters, not energy suckers.

Welcome Change!  It’s the only true constant.

Save  yourself the heartache – you can’t outrun the Truth, so don’t even try (I’ll have a story for you on this another time).

When travelling, do your best to speak the local language, even if it’s just a greeting or please and thank you.  Hello, Goodbye, Aufwiedersein, Adieu… I draw the line at wearing leiderhosen though.  It might look great while in Austria, but back home in Canada you’ll get some looks.  (Apologies to the Germanic languages for any misspellings.)

Now and then, put your face up to the sun, close your eyes and soak in the warmth and life-giving energy.

Always see the bright side.

Wear sunglasses if it gets blinding, there’s a reason common sense is a highly-sought-after quality. 

Be willing to take responsibility for everything in your life experience.

Apologize when necessary and be the one to take the first step to forgive. 

Respect everyone equally, and remember to include yourself in there, too.

Bless those who challenge you for there is learning in every encounter.

Handwritten notes and cards are always in style.   Failing that, video email  is a lot of fun and more personal than text email!

Embrace technology. And when it frustrates you, think of typewriters.  How did we ever run this world without computers?!

Don’t burn the candle at both ends, get plenty of rest.  So on that note… I bid you goodnight.

I’d love to hear your additions to my manifesto.  It really could be endless.

Gratitude brought me to this place May 10, 2008

Gratitude shapes who I am and is my daily life practice.  My glass is always half full, most times it is overflowing.  This is my choice.  In the pages of my Gratitude scrapbook, the images and stories hold many lessons for which I am grateful (like these lessons from my mom pictured here).  

TIP: Make a list of your family members and highlight one or two lessons you’ve learned from them in life.  CHALLENGE: Focus on the positives from those lessons (hint: there is always a positive) and give thanks for them – the lessons and your family.  These lessons shape who you are.  OPEN YOUR HEART: share your thanks with your benefactor(s). 

As a kid, I remember having a healthy attitude towards life.  In this lifetime, I chose to be born into a home filled with Love – 9 kids, not as much money, but a wealth of Love.  I distinctly recall the excitement I felt waking up each day and wondering what and who Life would bring into my realm.  Imagine having that feeling every morning?  

 

The responsibilities brought with each passing year as an adult dulled that excitement at times.  Sometimes it was lost altogether.  I’ve had my trials and tribulations – loves lost and dreams faded – just as you, my dear reader.  Yet there always remained this thread of Hope (or was it Faith?) pulling me forward from times of despair because I know in my Soul that I (we all) have a Divine purpose.  Each day that passes is another day of discovering the treasure that is Me.  Each day brings new lessons for you and I. 

 

Let us allow ourselves a few minutes at the end of our busy day to close our eyes and reflect back on the many blessings bestowed upon us.   Yes, it can be difficult (or perhaps even futile to try) to find what can possibly be good in a day of grief or tragedy.  What if it is only to give thanks for the experience of that which is lost? 

May you awaken to the abundance of blessings bestowed upon you as you move through your day.  Namaste

(thank you for your kind comments, I am grateful to all who share in this wonderful adventure of Life)

What are Scrapbooks for the Soul? May 8, 2008

 

From the American Heritage Dictionary and www.Dictionary.com …

scrap·book  (skrāp’bŏŏk’) - noun  a book with blank pages used for the mounting and preserving of pictures, clippings, or other mementos.

soul  [sohl] –noun.   the principle of life, feeling, thought, and action in humans, regarded as a distinct entity separate from the body, and commonly held to be separable in existence from the body; the spiritual part of humans as distinct from the physical part; the emotional part of human nature; the seat of the feelings or sentiments; the inspirer or moving spirit of some action, movement, etc.; deeply felt emotion, as conveyed or expressed by a performer or artist.

 

My purpose for writing is simply to open hearts.  My heart, your heart, all hearts.  An open book of our lives, our deepest passions and dreams, when shared with others, will open hearts.   By sharing my stories and life lessons, I hope to inspire social and spiritual interaction to bring about positive change in the lives of others so they may live in joy, truth and empowerment.    My stories and articles will appeal primarily to women and the men who wish to better understand women. 

 

Drawing from the above definitions, my vision is that Scrapbooks for the Soul are tools (traditional or digital books, blogs or other media) filled with personal stories, lessons, journeys, images, and mementos… bits and pieces of the Self that we choose to save and reflect upon, allowing us to grow and move forward in Life. 

 

I’ve been creating scrapbooks most of my life and teaching others the importance of celebrating their lives and the lives of those they love in scrapbook format for almost 9 years.  As I’ve held workshops with women through these years, I’ve noticed patterns amongst many of the women that I meet and of course, speak from personal experience.  Many women give so much of themselves to the men, children and parents who need them, that they have nothing left for themselves.  When they do give to themselves, guilt and shame knocks at their door.  I’ve witnessed all too often how the need to be perfect paralyzes.

 

As I walk my own spiritual path, I’ve come to realize that scrapbooks can be a powerful tool for dynamic change and personal growth.  As a result of my own study and practice, I have developed fun interactive workshops where women can explore their creativity, their dreams and goals, using scrapbooks and journaling exercises with a focus on GRATITUDE.   Unlike traditional scrapbooks that celebrate the past, these scrapbooks become tools to enjoy living more fully now and into the future…

 

This blog is just another of the resources I wish to provide for women to reconnect with themselves, rekindle their passions and dreams, believe in all they can be and create the joy they deserve in their life.  I caution you to not wait for “some day” or “one day”.  Those days may never come, or when they do, they catch us so unprepared that we miss the opportunities to live authentically and joyously.

 

Welcome to my blog and thank you for visiting.   This is a case of “leap and the net will appear”.  I don’t know all the technical aspects of blogging but am open to learn and quickly I will.  

I hope you will check back often.  I propose to write with humour, inspiration, creativity and honesty so that we can all learn, and open our hearts to MORE.  And yes, I will have images… as soon as I can figure out the technical aspect of that. ;o)